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John D Linstead
John D Linstead's picture
Physical side of self-protection in domestic abuse cases

Iain mentions in a couple of his podcasts that aside from being stabbed a woman is most likely to be killed in her home by her partner. Although she wasn’t killed, this type of violence has also happened recently to one of my closest friends (not a martial artist) and it has led me to thinking that I am not adequately addressing this in the classes I teach. I get that prevention is always better and identifying warning signs is always the most effective but if it has escalated to physical violence in domestic abuse then I would be interested in other people’s input around what they teach regarding this.

From a self-protection point of view if you are attacked at home then my initial thoughts would be to pre-empt, flee and then phone the police. However, if there are children involved especially if this is taking place at night and they are in bed then just leaving them with someone who was about to assault you isn’t necessarily appropriate and in some cases could be dangerous. Also I’m not even sure what the police would do, especially if it was both of the people involved’s residence. “I thought he was about to hit me so I whacked him and ran off” isn’t a guarantee the other party would be arrested. 

What do people teach / advise for the physical side in this type of situation?

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

John D Linstead wrote:
Iain mentions in a couple of his podcasts that aside from being stabbed a woman is most likely to be killed in her home by her partner.

That’s not quite what I said, so I need to clarify so there’s no misunderstanding from other readers.

I was referring to UK homicide statistics. Men (younger men) are most likely to be killed by someone they don’t know; in or around places that serve alcohol. Women are most likely to be killed by their partner in their home. When it comes to the methods of homicide, for both man and women, being stabbed was top. The second most likely method of homicide for men was being beaten to death. The second most likely method of homicide for women was strangulation.

So, the statistics I was discussing show that the most likely way for a woman to be killed is being stabbed in her home by her own partner. The above quote does not reflect what I said and suggests that stabbing is somehow separate from domestic violence. It’s not. It’s part of it, and a woman is most likely to be killed by her own partner.

SIDE NOTE: There is some debate around whether domestic violence involving knives should be included in the wider “knife crime” statistics; because it is currently separate in the way the figures are presented: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/09/13/domestic-violence-murders-five-year-high-amid-warning-hidden/

Domestic Violence Murders at 5 year high: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49459674

Knife Crime: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50080236

The point I was making is that violent crime is different between the sexes and the male-centric way in which self-protection is often taught can be problematic. True self-protection also needs to include some education about the dynamics of abusive relationships.

John D Linstead wrote:
Although she wasn’t killed, this type of violence has also happened recently to one of my closest friends (not a martial artist) and it has led me to thinking that I am not adequately addressing this in the classes I teach.

I’m very sorry to hear that and I hope your friend gets the help and support she needs.

While a martial arts class can teach physical skills, it’s not really the right forum for dealing with domestic abuse because of all the other issues you highlight. This is something more appropriate for dedicated self-protection training.  

John D Linstead wrote:
What do people teach / advise for the physical side in this type of situation?

There is no easy answer here. It’s a very complex topic due to all the psychology (abused and abuser), children, legalities, etc. We need to avoid giving simple “one size fits all answers”. While it may work for some, an immediate physical response and calling of the police is not something all victims of domestic abuse will feel to be appropriate or advisable. They may fear retributions against them or their children; and a whole host of other potential issues besides i.e. worries about housing, money, misplaced love, destroyed self-esteem, etc). Some may feel it is better to placate the abuser in the short term and confidentially seek help later. We should not judge from the side-lines, nor should we push simple “solutions” to complex problems.  

My advice would simply be do what you think is best to keep you and yours safe, and then seek help at an appropriate time and in a safe way. We can also point them toward to useful resources and individuals and organisations that can help:

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

All the best,

Iain

John D Linstead
John D Linstead's picture

Thanks for your response Iain

Completely agree that  physical response may not be suitable and a one size fits all would not be appropriate either so thanks for the links.