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Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture
What is your favourite martial arts joke?

I was wondering if any of you knew of any good martial arts jokes as I may feature a few in an upcoming podcast.

Many years I was getting my hair cut (yes, that long ago!) and on the radio a comedian was attempting the world record for the most jokes told in a given time period. One of the jokes was:

“My cousin was an incredibly tough man. He was a karate black belt who eventually joined the army. Sadly the first time he saluted he killed himself.”

So that would be my favourite ridge-hand related gag :-) I’m sure there are better ones out there though? Any takers?

All the best,


PASmith's picture

My mate is an expert at karate. Sadly he was beaten up by three thugs when he was trying to take his socks and shoes off.

Paul Anderson
Paul Anderson's picture

What is a pig's favourite Karate technique ?

Pork Chop.

.... groan .. !

Drew Loto
Drew Loto's picture

I don't have any great one liners, but this is certainly my favorite humorous karate moment:

MykeB's picture

Here's mine, takes a bit longer.

Two men had trained together for 40 years, attending tournaments almost weekly during all of those years.  One passes away and the other, though saddened by the loss of his friend, goes to a tournament the next weekend.  While changing into his worn gi, the spirit of the man's friend appears to him.  The spirit of the karateka smiles to his friend and tells him, "I have good news and I have bad news." 

The living karateka asks, "What is the good news."

The spirit, "There is karate in heaven."

The karateka replies, "Really?  That's great!  What's the bad news."

The spirit answered, "Your first match is tomorrow and you're up against Gichin Funakoshi."

Harry Mord
Harry Mord's picture


[cartoon by Gary Larsen]

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

I love his cartoons! Here is another martial arts related one:

Tau's picture

Presumably you're all familiar with Mikka Bouzu?

My favourite: mind games

Tony Smith
Tony Smith's picture

A Texas cowboy walks into a dojo thinking it’s a bar. Upon entering he says, “Well hell I thought this was a bar not a dance class.” This upsets the Sensei who approaches the cowboy and replies, “This is no dance class, this is martial arts dojo!” Then he politely bows to the cowboy. He then takes a stance and throws a sidekick, stopping 2” from the cowboy’s nose and says, “That was side kick from Tae Kwon Do. Then politely bows again. He then throws a lighting fast palm heal strike, again stopping 2” from the cowboy’s nose and says, “That was Tiger Palm from Chinese Boxing, “ and again politely bows. After which there is a loud “PRRINGGG!” The students stare in awe as their Sensei is out cold on the floor. Then the Texas cowboy says, Tell that guy when he wakes up… that was a crow bar from Home Depot.

Finlay's picture

well here goes


Bob- I've just taken up a new martial art from sweden

Sam - what's it called?

Bob- Ikea-do

Sam- i thought that was from Finland.

Bod - no mate, you must be thinking of Noki-out


i make no apologies

Neil Cook
Neil Cook's picture

What's Bruce Lee's favourite drink?


Gavin Mulholland
Gavin Mulholland's picture


My favourite 'joke' came from an incident a few years ago.

I was out in the States training with Nick Hughes and a with us was a mate called Eddy.

Eddy was an ex Royal Marine and current mercenary and although he was with us at this club, he didn't train in any martial arts at all.

One of the black belts, obviously taking umbrage at Eddy sitting there looking singularly unimpressed with what he was seeing, strode up to Eddy and asked who he was. “Eddy”, came the monosyllabic reply. “What do you train in?” asked the black belt.

I’m a black belt in Ching Ching” says Eddy.

Never heard of it” said the black belt at which point Eddy held up his hand like it was a gun , slid the imaginary mechanism back and made a ching ching sound as he pretended to load a bullet into the chamber, and point at the guys head.

Everyone was laughing and he stomped off red-faced and didn’t train for the rest of the session.


Kevin73's picture

I have heard this joke with many different martial arts inserted, so I will just keep it generic and feel free to insert your own art.

Q:  How many karatekas does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  Just one, but then all the rest stand around and say "That's not how MY sensei said to do it!"

RMS86's picture

"You know, there is a difference between having no-mind and having no-mind." (: Word Play :)